About

If you clicked on my About page, I’m impressed. Since when did anyone -actually- care about anyone else?

“I am the youngest of 23 children. I enjoy long rides on the escalator and greasy, sloppy dinners. I love running in the rain, and reading crappy materials. I also enjoy encounters with fate. I’m looking for a Godess…”

No, none of that is true. To be honest, I don’t understand why anyone would put that kind of information about themselves… I actually found the paragraph above on the google search engine when I was searching for “long walks on the beach” (don’t ask), some guy posted it up on a dating site, lol (he was dead serious).

So, people save yourself the embarrassment, unless you want me making fun of the crap you put.

Anyways about me:

AGE: 96, but friends and family say I don’t look a day above 95!

Alright, that’s not true, I’m not 96. My age should be of no importance to any of you. All you need to know is that I’m young, I’m fresh, and my mom thinks I’m hot.

SEX: No thanks…

Contrary to what my friends and family will tell you, I -am- a girl! Appearences don’t matter, so what if my moustache is bigger than your husbands? I’m still a girl.

LOCATION: Are you blind? How can you not see 43267 square feet of diameter sitting next to you?

No, I am not 43267 square feet wide… Not yet! Maybe in 2010, but not yet.

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Alright let’s get serious, hi, I’m Maria. I live in Canada. Contrary to what many think, I’m not that interesting. I just attract stupid people, including myself. Stupid people = Great blog entries. I am looking for work as a freelance writer. I plan on following writing as a career, as I want to be a short story/ novel writer. The purpose of this blog is for you to get to know me a bit more and for me to improve and  broaden my writing skills.

I’m very open to any sort of person. Yes, I may make fun of you, doesn’t mean I am not open. I love everyone, except for you, you, you on the left, you, and you at the far back.

I have completed a two year hair, skin and makeup course. So I’m pretty interested in that sort of stuff. I have my extremely girly moments where I will lock myself in my room, do my hair, makeup, nails, and look at myself in the mirror saying stupid things like, “Damn girl, Where’d you get those eyes from?”

Other times, I have my manly moments when I like to unbuckle my pants and wear a baggy shirt before I eat my four pounds of meat and six pounds of potato wedges. I’ll sit and watch the stupidest stupid-funny movies and laugh like a donkey. Then I’ll go to the family room and lecture everyone on things that I have no knowledge upon.

I have a keen interest for culture, religion, difference of opinions etc. I get deep, philisophical and ponder over issues. Yet, I enjoy the little thrills of life. I’ll secretly lock myself in my room and dance to one of those songs that everyone pretends to hate like, “Jenny from the Block” or, some sleezy song from Brittney Spears.

Some of my pet peeves include people who ask me if I can speak English. Just because I’m brown skinned, and wear potato sack clothing, doesn’t mean I’m mentally/language challenged. Kinda like, just because your a male with pink hair, that wears circulation cutting jeans, doesn’t mean you’re gay.

I go insane when I hear young women waste their time talking about the hot neighbour, pool boy, cousin, friend’s brother etc. I mean that stuff was alright when we were thirteen. But honey, your past the stage of crushes. You want to get married one day and have beautiful children that will be the apples of your eyes. Instead you are twenty two and you sit here wasting your time hitting on the sleezy paper boy.

I have a low patience span for people that are close minded. If I hear someone say something stupid like, “Ahmed probably broke the window because he’s Muslim…” or, “Jane is collecting pennies for retirement because she’s Jewish.” Not only will I walk out on you, I will make sure you feel shameful for your lewd, disrespectful remarks.

Eyebrows! I understand how you can over pluck, I’ve done that err. But how the hell do you get those long ass gaps in your brows? Did you run a lawn mower over them? So pardon me if I stare at you with my mouth wide open, it’s probably not because your attractive, rather because your eyebrows are really, really effed.

Wow, I have gotten totally carried away, that’s some information about me, if you have anything else you would like to know, don’t ask me. Read my blog and you’ll find out. Don’t waste my time asking me about my hair colour, there are much better things to life.

THANKS FOR READING!

-Maria