Some of My Most Embarrassing Moments

Everyone has some pretty embarrassing moments in their lifetime when they wish no one had seem them at that place, doing that thing. Although some tend to forget, or neglect them, it doesn’t make them disappear. When reminiscing these scenarios, its almost as if we can feel them happening all over again. On occasion we wish so hard that the moments never happened. However, time is not meant to be reversed. We cannot change the crappy beginning but we can always make a magical ending, with that in mind, might as well laugh our moments away.

Just like all of you clowns, I -have- also had some pretty embarrassing moments, yeah I know, hard to imagine, huh? Here goes…

Embarrassing Moment 1 – Age: 5

In kindergarten class our teacher would give us these brown bean type of things for every time we did something nice. (Ex; Say thank you, wash our hands, peed in the toilet and not on the floor, said excuse me after farting etc.) If any child got twenty beans or more they were allowed a free toy from the blue box on the teachers desk. Notice how I wrote twenty or more? Well, this one week I had twenty-one. For some reason I had a misconception that since I didn’t have twenty but twenty-one, the teacher would take away all my beans and not give me a toy. So as the teacher was coming around class counting everyone’s beans, I started to panic. I -really- wanted that free toy. Sure enough, I found no other place but to hide that bean up my nose… She came and counted my beans and gave me a free toy (a Batman action figure, BOOYA!). After she left, I tried taking the bean out, only it was stuck up my nose. I panicked even more and after a failed attempt to get the bean out of my nose, I finally decided that I had to tell the teacher because, heck no, I did not want to die in class, especially not from a bean stuck up my nose.  As soon as I got to her desk, before I could even say a word, this huge fat bean slides out of my nose. Sure enough she starts laughing and says, “Oh Maria! I was wondering when you’d ask me about that bean shoved up your nose.”

Embarrassing Moment 2 – Age: 8(ish)

Growing up I was always a mama’s girl. Actually, I still am a mama’s girl. Anyways, I was at this grocery shop with my mom. I decided to play hide and seek by myself (I was a special child, Yes.) When I was done playing, I assumed that my mom would still be in the fruit isle. I went back to find that she was gone. My eyes were  tearing up when at the corner of my eye I saw someone with a long black coat and a cart full of bananas. I ran and held the woman’s hand, I must have been walking with her for at least a minute until I looked across the store and found my mom running around frantically looking for me. I then looked up only to see I was holding some granny’s hand. I was so frightened I ran to my mom and cried silently until we got into the car.

Embarrassing Moment 3 – Age 12:

The whole family went to England for my oldest brother’s wedding. If you didn’t already know, the home structures in England are very different from those in North America. They are super tiny, tight, and crap-ishly designed. So after my brother’s wedding we were invited to some relatives house for dinner. After drinking three glasses of juice, my tank was full and I was ready to pee. So I asked the lady of the house politely for the ‘washroom’. In England , they say ‘toilet’ when asking to take a leak.

The house was pretty old and designed oddly. They had a washroom and toilet room. Yeah you guessed it. I ran into the washroom, took my pants off and was ready to dive at the toilet only to see that it was missing. I pulled my pants back up, wiggled my way to the living room and said, “I think your toilet is gone.”,

Dazzled she looked at me and said, “What?”

“Your toilet, It’s not there.” I explained.

Then she laughed and said, “OH! Your looking for the toilet, that’s at the other end of the house.”

Finally I reached the toilet, I calmly finished my business. When I was done, I noticed… NO SINK! By then I figured it out, I walked from one end of the house, to the other end, with dirty hands.

(When you’re twelve, moments like these, are very – very embarrassing.)

Embarrassing Moment 4 – Age: 12

It was the first day of grade 6, going to a whole new big kid school I felt invincible with my princess sweater. Aside from feeling invincible, I really had to pee. I didn’t bother asking where the girls washroom was, instead I went to find it myself. I kept walking, and walking, and walking, until I couldn’t hold it. I -needed- the bathroom asap. And sure enough, a bathroom there was. I ran in and took a nice long pee. I flushed the toilet, and proceeded to wash my hands. The girl next to me said hi, I couldn’t help but notice her boyish hair and baggy tomboy attire. Then it hit me… damn, there are never urinals in the girls bathroom. Yep, I was in the guys washroom doing my business all relaxed. I smiled at the kid next to me, and ran towards the door. Running out, the vice principal caught me. I was in detention the second day of middle school. So much for being invincible. Till this day I check bathroom signs…

Embarrassing Moment 5 – Age: 13

I’ve always had two major weaknesses. Number 1 =  snorting. Yep, if you make me laugh enough, I’ll snort like a scratched CD on repeat. Number 2 = If I see someone else being tickled, I laugh like I’m the one being tickled. If I see someone being tickled or touched in anyway I can feel it.

This one day I walked out of school late for recess because I had some sort of stomach flu and was stuck in the bathroom. I was looking for my group of friends, but then two guys caught my eye. One was tickling the crap out of the other, there I was standing all alone in the front of the school, laughing my ass off on the floor snorting like an immobilized tractor. Dang. When I got a hold of myself, I was so embarrassed I tried running away, it was too late. A team of teachers was rushing towards the awkward chick who looked like she was having an epileptic fit only to realise I was laughing and snorting really loud all by myself.

Embarrassing Moment 6 – Age: 14

In school we always had those darned public speaking contests. Growing up, public speaking was my pet peeve, I couldn’t stand listening to public speeches let alone presenting one. However, it was mandatory. So I prepared and memorized my speech. I was super nervous but once I started talking I felt fine. Half w through my speech I had a blank out. I couldn’t remember what to say next, when I looked down to see my Q-cards, I noticed them, all ripped up, on the floor. I began to cry and left the classroom. HAH Pansy move, I know.

————–MORE TO COME… SOME OTHER DAY!—————-

Bye now!

- Maria